Archive for February, 2010
SECRET SEXUAL FANTASIES
At Sex Week at Yale
February 7th, 2010
It’s the Valentine’s Season, so we’re off to our fifth Sex Week at Yale to frolic among the Young Blues, Old Blues, sexperts, science-of-love professors and intellectually-aroused porn stars, spreading Lust et Veritas and giving away Doc Johnson Pocket Rockets (Drop Pocket Rockets, not Patriot Missiles!), Condomania condoms (February is National Condom Month) and Lust et Veritas panties to the needy, climaxing in a Valentine’s Day Saybrook Master’s Tea at 2:30pm, where I’ll get to expound upon one of my favorite subjects: Secret Sexual Fantasies.
Your fantasies are always with you, playing hide-and-seek with your perceived realities, whispering wild ideas into your inner ear, showing movies in your mind, stirring your passions mysteriously, yet so powerfully. If you are imprisoned in any way–by your work, your family, your education, your religion, your government–your fantasies become your freedom. Sometimes your ability to fantasize is the only freedom you have.
Erotic Fantasy is the G-Spot of Your Mind
Where does fantasy end and reality begin? The English philosopher John Richter said, “Fantasy rules over two-thirds of the universe, the past and the future, while reality is confined to the present.”
Fantasy–the original “theater of the mind”–makes up a huge portion of human consciousness. Memory, as it filters through the mind’s eye, is a kind of fantasy that gazes backward, into the past. Hope, anticipation, fear and ambition are fantasies that look toward the future. Our sexuality is fueled by fantasies of the past and the future, as well as “pure” fantasies–wild dreams that never happened and that you never really want to have happen–that haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe.
A sexual fantasy can be a long, complicated story, a quick mental flash of erotic imagery or something in between. Whatever form it takes, it arouses your sexual feelings. As such, your favorite fantasy is the G-spot of your mind.
Experts agree that sexual fantasies are important, powerful and pervasive. But they can’t agree on much more about them. For every study that concludes that women or men fantasize one way, there’s another that concludes the opposite. If you look hard enough, you can find a study to prove any theory about sexual fantasies and another one to disprove it. Maybe this is because it is very difficult to measure fantasies except through questionnaires, and it is so easy and tempting to lie on questionnaires, especially when it comes to opening up about our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing, secret, sexual fantasies. Therefore, I will not use many studies to justify my points here. As a sex therapist with one of the largest private practices in the world and a sex-oriented radio and TV talk show host for over two decades, as well as an erotically-married woman for almost 18 years, I base my observations on my own professional and personal experience, which I believe is as good a “study” on fantasy as any.
Before we discuss where your secret fantasies come from and whether or not to share them with anyone, let’s take a look at some of the most common ones…
