Archive for December, 2009
Sexy Mayhem @ The Exotic Erotic Ball

Sparkle gives me a sensuous whipping at the Exotic Erotic Ball. Photo: Alex
I don’t know how the internationally notorious Exotic Erotic Ball in San Francisco, “the world’s #1 wildest and sexiest party” according to E! Entertainment TV, slipped our social list for the last 29 years, but it did. So when EEB founder Perry Mann, Producer Howard Mauskopf and PR dynamo Chris Buttner offered me a free booth, VIP treatment and unlimited free tickets for my entourage to participate in EEB’s big 30th Anniversary Blowout, well, let’s just say it was an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Since the good folks at the Ball didn’t offer to pay for a tricked out pumpkin or First Class air fare for every member of my beloved Bonobo Gang, we decided to transport ourselves in the most economical, wild, crazy and trailer-trashy mode available: Motorhome! We rented a reasonably luxurious Cruise America home on wheels, filled it up with food, feather boas, vibrators, books, whips, DVDs and Agwa Cocoa Leaf Liqueur, and got on our way.
We were a diverse family of sexpots, adventurers and voyagers: Sister Mel, excited to see the Cow Palace of her childhood memories transformed into a barnyard of human exhibitionism, organized the trip with the EEB. Brother Michael, the Institute’s new business developer, music promoter and fellow Yalie (SOM 1995), brought in the Cruiser to pick up the rest of us, including Bloggamy web developer and Speakeasy lounge pianist Nori, Speakeasy photographer/ladies man Alex Filangieri and the beautiful, whimsical Sparkle Sparkle Bang Bang (RadioSUZY1 regular, go-go girl and aspiring DJ). Plus, of course, our own Prince Max, recently freed political prisoner, quadruple bypass survivor and loving husband. We stopped in the Valley to pick up retired architect and Institute patron Jack S, practically backing the Motorhome into his neighbor’s house. Next stop: Camarillo where we retrieved porn star couple Natasha Skinski and Tommy Lei and a ton of BDSM gear, including a leather horse; we were going to the Cow Palace, so of course, we needed a horse.
Tiger’s Wood: Love Cablinasian Style
Tiger Woods and Mistress Holly Sampson star of My First Sex Teacher
“The same principle which forbids me to lie does not allow me to tell the truth.”
Giacomo Casanova, Histoire de Ma Vie (Story of My Life)
I’m in the midst of a humongous move and have no time to even look at the news, let alone write about it. But how can I – how can anyone – avoid the Erotic Adventures of Tiger Woods? It’s a soap operatic porno reality show streaming live before our eyes, ears, sanctimonious sensibilities and deep voyeuristic desires.
At first, I thought, so what? Another sports superstar is caught having illicit sex with a few different mistresses? Well, more than a few. But is that such a surprise? So Tiger’s got wood! Sure, he presented himself as the honest, monogamous “Family Man” to score the most lucrative endorsements he could. But don’t all sports stars do that? And does anyone over 18 actually believe that any of these hot-blooded jocks really ARE that? I mean, isn’t Tiger’s active, messy sex life par for the course?
Yes and no. In some ways, Mr. Woods is a typical alpha male. And in some ways, he’s special. Tiger’s harem is bigger than most sports stars, though he hardly touches basketball Hall of Famer Wilt Chamberlain who confessed to having had sex with over 20,000 different women. Both Wilt and Tiger could be labeled what counselors and sexperts deem a “sex addict.” But professional athletes are often found to be addicted to all kinds of dangerous drugs. And sex – especially the way Tiger seems to have used it – is a kind of drug.
Interracial Sperm Wars
But why all the fuss? Because a black guy is getting all the white women? Not just a gorgeous, Swedish, blonde, blue-eyed, whiter-than-white wife, but a bevy of Aryan bikini models, porn stars, hot hostesses and waitresses. Are people secretly alarmed by all that interracial sex? Or are they aroused by it? Or both?
My cuckold sex therapy clients are blowing up my phone, like First Mistress Rachel Uchitel is reported to have squealed that Tiger was “blowing up [her] phone” when they first met. Just in case you don’t know, a cuckold is a guy whose wife has sex with other men. On the surface, it sounds like a bad deal for the cuckold, but a lot of husbands fantasize about their wives having sex with other men because the Sperm Wars Effect turns them on. The presence or mere fantasy of male competition for the woman you desire triggers a man’s testicles to increase sperm production so as to better compete for the egg with the other guy’s sperm, enhancing arousal, erection and ejaculation.














